Lessons of a Father, #1

Rather than use my own words, I'd like to share the thoughts of our own generations Shakespeare.

Lessons of a Mother, #1

Freyja likes standing while playing! 

I'm not perfect. I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but I'm not! As for most people, I will always have many things on which I can improve. Even though this is nothing new, now that I am a mother I feel a new-found sense of responsibility. I want to set an example for Freyja, showing her positive ways to react in a not-always-so-positive world. 
I'm sure people without children also feel this sense of importance regarding the example they set, but for me it was after I had Freyja that I felt a stronger pull to polish my character and figure out my values. 

Before Freyja was born, I was easily annoyed at some of the other drivers on the road. While I never usually let the anger fester during the day, I still think I reacted too strongly. My hand was quick to hit the horn and I became cynical, figuring I would mostly encounter apathetic and aloof drivers on my commute. Now I try to minimize my reaction and simply expect incompetence. When the car cuts me off on the highway, I don't mutter a name or swear under my breath. 

She gets very focused :)

Another change since Freyja was born is that I have become much less curious and judgmental about why people do the things that they do. If it's not hurting anyone else, it's not usually worth me worrying about. If I have a difficult time seeing where someone is coming from, I have more tolerance, patience, and can accept that some things just don't make sense. Even though I once thought I might do something a certain way--like always wear a cover while breastfeeding in public--my experience changes my thoughts. For example, I now better understand the woman I saw last year at Starbucks who was breastfeeding without a cover. A cover can get hot, is one more thing to carry around, is not necessarily liked by the baby while feeding, and draws even more attention. If I now encountered a woman exposing her breast in public to feed her child, I would likely think of her as practical. The child is hungry...mom feeds the child...the child doesn't want to be covered. It's as simple as that. 

She just needs a little support...

The next time I am at a store and see a child throwing a tantrum or a mother acting impatient with her child, I will not judge but instead say a little prayer and remember that the mother is doing her best and she can't control her child. She can teach and guide and attempt to enforce rules, but even the most well-behaved children can stubbornly assert their independence. 

I do believe that almost everyone is trying their best...and usually that is good enough. Sometimes people face barriers like mental health, depression, financial struggles, and even bad luck. As humans it is natural to compare ourselves to others, but we shouldn't be so quick to assume we know why people act the way they do or that they are "wrong" & we are "right." I catch myself slipping into an old habit at times, but quickly remind myself that it isn't usually worth it to get upset. I want to be a good role model for Freyja in the many years to come!

My little girl is getting so big!

6-month Edition of "Fifty Fun Facts about Freyja"

Nick and I compiled this list on our way up to du Nord near Ely, MN this past weekend, on February 15 when Freyja turned 6 months old! It's a longer update (50 facts!), definitely written mostly for my own memory--but I've also included some lovely pictures this time, with an awesome family photo at the end! On drive home from du Nord Group photo at Du Nord 1. She puts anything and everything in her mouth, including her toes. Some days it seems like her gums are uncomfortable and she drools more, but we haven't seen any teeth poke through yet! 2. Weight 14.2 lbs today (with clothes)--updated 2/20/13 at 6-month appointment: *weight 14.0 lbs (without clothes) = 12th percentile (she used to be below the 1st percentile, so this is exciting!) *length/height: 25.5 inches = 32nd percentile (she has fluctuated between  10-32nd percentile) *head circumference: 16.1 inches = 14th percentile (always been between  8-14th percentile) Add caption 3. She enjoys banging her hands on books and toys. 4. She likes listening to music and mom singing (even if I can't remember all the words to a song or have a small repertoire of songs I have memorized!). Sometimes I make up silly songs too. 5. She has yet to roll from back to front...but rolls on her side and reaches for toys. 6. In the past month she has developed a cute little giggle. 7. She can get a very serious look on her face when she is playing with toys. She is more likely to smile when someone is talking with her than when she is just playing by herself. 8. Recently she has been taking off her glasses very frequently during the day. Once when she was upset she threw the glasses across the room at daycare! 9. She mainly only cries when she is hungry at daycare. At home, she rarely cries for more than a few minutes (usually soothed by eating and/or rocking). Times that she has cried for more than a few minutes include a few rides to daycare in the morning, Christmas Eve after the church service, and a few evenings when she is over-tired and hungry at the same time. Making noise with the books 10. She doesn't rely on the pacifier as much. She usually just uses it when tired or sleeping, and occasionally when in the car seat. 11. If she is holding on to something she can support her weight pretty well, but is not well-balanced. 12. She is not yet sitting up on her own, but getting closer. 13. She will sleep in her crib occasionally, but still sleeps most nights in the bassinet next to our bed for convenience (I sleep better...otherwise, I don't wake up till she is crying over the monitor and it takes longer to go back to sleep). Mama, Freyja, aunt Michelle, Grandpa Randy 14. Most mornings she has a blow out before 8 am, which often happens between leaving home and getting to daycare (or soon after) and needs a change of clothes. This has happened with all types of diapers (different brands, and both cloth and disposable). 15. We used disposable diapers in the beginning, then switched to cloth. She outgrew those cloth diapers, and since we were gifted a large box of size one diapers, we are using them before she outgrows them soon! Then we will switch back to mainly using cloth. 16. She still only has a little bit of hair...it's difficult to tell the color (Light blond/brown/hint of red?) Such a big girl! 17. She gets frequent colds at daycare...right when she gets over one, she gets another one. Frequent colds also lead to coughing spells in the night and using the snot sucker to clear her nose. She hates it, but breathes better after and can fall back asleep. 18. She goes to daycare Monday through Friday full time. Drinks four bottles (about 16 oz). I breastfeed her before leaving the house, then after getting to daycare she eats her first bottle around 8:30. I feed her when I pick her up between 5 & 6 pm, 19. She gets about 4 to 6 diaper changes at daycare...she poops a lot! 20. She has been going to bed between 8 & 9 pm. She will sometimes fall asleep even if she didn't just eat, but usually does best staying asleep if she just ate. I often get myself ready for bed, then feed her while I am lying in bed. She then often falls asleep after eating. She is waking up less frequently at night, except when sick. She breastfeeds about once or twice between 9 pm & 6 am and eats for about 8-15 minutes (if she is sleepy it takes longer). 21. I don't fall asleep with her in my arms as much, which is a sign I am less sleep deprived! I have been going to bed between 9 & 10 most nights. It has been harder for Nick to go to bed as early. I still miss getting longer stretches of sleep. The longest stretch I can First time in exersaucer remember recently was from 10:30 pm to 4 am. 22. She stood in the "exersaucer" for the first time. 23. I'm not sure when in the past 6 weeks but I started carrying her on my hip rather than the cradle hold. 24. She has tried banana and applesauce. 25. We started mixing her thyroid medication in a spoonful of applesauce in the past week. We have forgotten her medication a few times since I returned to work in November. 26. We get busy and don't give her a bath often...but wipes do a good job between baths. 27. She takes cat naps at daycare...rarely sleeps for more than 45 to 60 minutes. She had been having a hard time sleeping in her crib (waking up when she got laid down), but seems to be getting better. Her longest nap at daycare is two hours, which she does about once every 1 to 2 weeks. She used to nap everyday around 6/6:30 pm but now doesn't always nap after daycare & before bedtime. however, sometimes she sleeps stripping 7:30 in my arms when I am watching TV.... Reading with daddy 28. She usually doesn't like to play very long between 6 & 7:30...and if she is playing, she prefers to be held. She lasts about 10 minutes in the highchair or on the play mat after 6 pm. 29. She likes to babble and likes it when we talk with her and make noises. She has made sounds that resemble words ("dada", "hi") but is just mimicking and isn't saying words yet.Sometimes she sticks out her tongue and does the sounds "lala" or acts like she is having a conversation. Very cute! Sunday Lunch-February 9, 2013 30. She always seems to be in a good mood when she first wakes up in the morning. Sometimes this makes it difficult to feed her, since she just wants to smile and talk to me! 31. She smiles when I pick her up from daycare...but even if she just ate recently, she still wants to breastfeed when I pick her up. Mama's girl 32. When she is tired, she either cries or looks very serious or out of it (& doesn't smile when talked to). She also sometimes rubs at her eyes (which means knocking off her glasses). 33. Things that resemble Nick: blue eyes, long tongue, facial expressions/eyebrow raising 34. Things about her that resemble me: fair skinned, petite, cranky when hungry and likes to eat, small mouth, active. 35. The daycare says she can be stubborn...not sure yet who she got that from...;) 36. Sleeps not swaddled but in sleep sack. 37. She uses the Nuk brand bottles/nipples. Since this is what worked after such a long time of refusing the bottle, we haven't tried a Looking at the book her pediatrician gave her! different brand (I'm too scared to try anything else) 38. She has outgrown 3 month sleepers but can still wear a few 3 month onesies...but they are getting snug in length and only fit if she is wearing a disposable diaper. She still fits in some 3-month pants...many are a little short, but some 6 month pants are just slightly long. She is still petite! 39. She is on the growth curve for weight...we will find out more stats at the 6 month appointment next week. 40. She can turn to look when someone says her name, and notices her environment more. For example, she notices our dog Gasthof. She doesn't seem to mind when he licks her. 41. She is starting to like baths more if she isn't too tired. 42. She is busy busy busy! It is hard to get good pictures because she doesn't stay still or hold her gaze for long! 43. She likes a variety of toys and has a 1- to 2-book attention span. 44. When we first have company over she usually is quiet and takes it all in, then she starts talking/babbling. She is her mother's Add caption daughter. 45. She can be efficient at breastfeeding, but sometimes gets distracted when  eating or doesn't eat as well if she is cranky. She still does better on the right side  than the left. Thankfully pumping is going ok and she is eating mostly breast milk with a few ounces of formula (between 2-6 oz/day of formula) as a supplement when my supply decreased when I was sick. 46. Freyja doesn't mind having Gasthof lick her hands or feet. 47. She usually takes her first nap about two hours after being awake; at daycare  she often falls asleep after her first bottle. 48. She sometimes falls back asleep in her crib or can be set down tired but not  fully asleep...but usually just if she has a full stomach! 49. She finally has more baby fat...her cheeks are rounder and she finally has fat on her thighs! :) her legs were so skinny for so long, and it's nice she has put on weight! 50. She has a family who loves her so much & looks forward to seeing more of her personality develop in the years to come :)

A rare family photo! Mama, Freyja, Papa (just missing our dog Gasthof)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Freyja will be 6 months old tomorrow! It's no shock that time has gone by quickly, especially since returning to work full time in November. In the past week Freyja has tried some applesauce and a small taste of banana, but we plan to work on her getting used to food more in the weeks to come. Nick and I had a nasty stomach bug last week, but thankfully Freyja did not get sick. I even ended up going to urgent care on Friday, which was helpful. Because of the illness I didn't produce as much milk that week, so we did buy some formula to supplement along with the breastmilk. Freyja was a little skeptical of it at first, according to the daycare provider, but she tolerated it. I know that formula works great for many babies, I just happen to really enjoy being able to breasfeed her and it was stressful when my milk supply decreased. Stress can then decrease supply even more--so I did my best not to worry too much. I talked with Freyja's pediatrician, who is also a lactation consultant, and she gave me some helpful advice. My supply is almost back to normal!

I had a very nice dinner this week with a friend Laura, who also has a 5-month old daughter.  She also works full time, and it is nice to talk with someone with whom I have a lot in common---because some days, being a new mom can feel isolating. We both are able to breastfeed in public--so it helps having someone else to give me confidence and realize it's not a big deal. At work my breaks are used for pumping, my sleep is frequently interrupted, everything takes longer at home, and a shower is a luxury that I don't get every day! (usually every day, don't worry!) I miss my friends with working full time...but that's a story for another day. It seems like someone is sick in our house every 1-2 weeks, making it hard to plan ahead sometimes!

Freyja loves to play with toys, put anything and everything (including her toes!) in her mouth, and has about a 1- to 2-book attention span. She enjoys banging on books and toys--and even the take-out plastic container from the restaurant. It kept her occupied for 10 minutes!

I am lucky to have a wonderful family and friends and even though my time is limited, I value what time I do have that much more! :)

Well, it's time to finish pumping and get back to work. I figured I would just type a quick update while I had a few minutes! I will have to add pictures soon.

A little cold

Well, turns out I spoke too soon. Not long after writing my post on Thursday, I got a page from Freyja's daycare. Yes, we still use pagers! I gave them my pager number because it's the fastest way to reach me since I am often in and out of clinic and my cell phone doesn't work (I'm in the basement....no windows at work :( but that's a story for another day).

So, when I noticed the page from KinderCare, my heart sunk. "Crap, she has a fever" was my first thought. A handful of kids have been sick, as I mentioned in my last post, and I was hopeful that Freyja wouldn't become one of them. I called, and they confirmed my thoughts. She had a fever of 101.6. I wrapped things up at work and left at 3pm to go pick her up. At home, I checked her temperature and it went up to 101.9. I talked to the nurse at the pediatrician's office and she wanted Freyja to come in for an appointment the next day.

Since I recently retunred from maternity leave and don't have much vacation time available, we decided that Nick should stay home with her Friday. We both went with to the appointment, because I was doubtful that she would drink cold milk from a bottle if she got hungry, and feared Nick and Freyja would both be miserable. It is very convenient that her pediatrician's office is a mile from my work--so Nick and Freyja picked me up and we all went to see the doctor. The good news:
1. Freyja weighed 12 lbs 7 oz and is officially on the growth curve for her weight! (previously she has been in the 0 percentile...)
2. Her ears looked good--no sign of an ear infection. I got tons of ear infections as a child.
3. No fever on Friday and it just seems to be a cold (but to watch if her symptoms worsened, fever returned, etc).

She was more irritable this weekend and didn't eat as well, but it makes sense because a cold is no fun! The doctor suggested giving tylenol to keep her more comfortable, so we gave her a few doses over the weekend and at bedtime. It's hard to keep from getting sick when you're breastfeeding, but Nick let me rest a lot this weekend to fight it off and so I am only a tad congested.  He has been a big help in the past few weeks. Work has been very tiring and Nick has really picked up my slack, from cooking to cleaning to changing diapers. Thanks honey!


Last night we gave Freyja a bath. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but Nick and I both help with her bathtime routine. Something about a wet, slippery baby...I don't want to bathe her alone. Last night was the first time Freyja stood up in the tub (with me holding onto her of course). In the past, she would always cross her legs in the seated position and not try to stand or even sit. Funny girl! She is finally getting more comfortable. It's been so cold and dry so we only give her a bath about once a week, and just use a washcloth or wipes to clean her as needed.

She woke up a number of times last night (I lose count), but each time she fell asleep in my arms and I put her back in her bassinet.

This morning, she woke up babbling and smiling and I had a hard time feeding her before daycare because she just wanted to talk to me! I am thinking that I need to keep the lights out when I feed her first thing in the morning to keep her from thinking it's playtime! :)

Last night before bed, Freyja and I read a few books in bed including "Guess How Much I Love You." I then sang her a song, rocked her in my arms for a minute, then put her in her bassinet next to our bed. She tries to play with the rungs on the side of the bassinet, so I tucked her arm in her sleep sack and she fell right asleep. We have a humidifier in our room and we turned up the thermostat so I was nice and toasty last night despite the cold weather outside.

No matter how many times she wakes me up in the middle of the night, I give her a kiss each time and enjoy holding her in my arms. I love her to the moon--and back. :)

An Update

I am currently on a break at work and just wanted to write a quick update!

Freyja just turned 5 months old. She wakes up to eat once or twice to eat in the middle of the night, but other than that she has been sleeping fairly well. We leave for work around 7 am and I have been getting home around 6:30pm, so it doesn't give much time to see her when she is awake! When we get home, she usually just wants to eat and then sleep.

Work has been stressful, but I am getting more used to my new position and it will continue to improve as we just got another nephrology nurse care coordinator (I can go into more about my job another time!).

Nick has been a fabulous cook! Since I keep busy with feeding Freyja at home, he has taken over in the kitchen and cooks dinner and makes our lunches. I try not to wake him up in the middle of the night, and he puts in more work in the evenings.  Good teamwork :) The past few evenings, we change Freyja's diaper, feed her, and then I rock her while watching tv, drinking a half glass of red wine, and eating frozen yogurt/ice cream. It's a good end to my day. If I'm lucky, sometimes Nick even gives me a head massage!

Freyja is putting everything in her mouth, but no teeth yet. She is growing--last we checked, she weighed 12.4 lbs at 5 months old. She was 10.7 lbs at 4 months, so we had a great month for weight gain. She can't sit up on her own yet, but she is getting stronger. She is making new babbling noises and can play "independently" for a longer period of time (like on the activity mat).

Five kids and one daycare worker at her center were diagnosed with influenza last week, but thankfully she has been pretty healthy. It was a concern because she is too young to get the flu vaccine (she has to wait till next month). The glasses have really been helping! She is more interactive at daycare, seems happier, even sleeps less (they said she probably slept out of boredom...not sure if that's true but I thought it was funny!).

On the weekends I have been taking a long (2-3 hour) nap in the afternoon...I wish I didn't need this but by the weekend, I am exhausted! It helps recharge my battery for the week. The bedroom and nursery are cluttered with clothes--but it's not the end of the world I tell myself.

I miss not seeing friends and family as much...it really has been tiring starting a new job (full-time) and caring for an infant. Most days are: eat, work, eat, sleep, repeat. I have to get all the sleep I can so I stay healthy :)

Time to get back to work!

Another Tragic Event That God Wants To Happen

This post is in response to the Elementary School shooting that occurred December 14, 2012, two days ago.

I have sympathy for anybody, anywhere that lost somebody recently. I can only be angry that the news doesn't carry anyone's personal loss. I will miss my friends and family more than people involved in random tragedies. 

For perspective, there are 7.059 billion people on this earth. When we are gone, we will not be missed. Those 26 deaths are approximately 0.0000000037% of the world population. We will survive.

Is my own death more or less significant? I'm not Bill Gates. I haven't given thousands of Africans mosquito nets. Should I hope the president sheds a tear?

Just based on the law of averages, your death will not have a press conference, a 21 gun salute or media attention (aside from a blurb in the local obituaries). 

Either God was incapable of preventing this recent tragedy from happening, or God allowed it to happen.  Either he isn't all-powerful, or he's a being that I don't care to worship.

Because in the infinity of possibility, it would be foolish to say there is no god, I will just have to accept that the religions I am familiar with have no guidance better than my own common sense and judgement.

Within the thoughts that I am capable of having, if He exists, it is beyond human comprehension, and all worldly religions have got it wrong somewhere or another.  Just live your life to the fullest in harmony with others.

In the meantime, I plan to follow two simple rules.  If they get me into an afterlife then it's great, if they don't, then perhaps I don't want that life.


1. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.
2. Appreciate what you have. If you show a genuine appreciation to the people you're are around, people will appreciate you.