A little cold

Well, turns out I spoke too soon. Not long after writing my post on Thursday, I got a page from Freyja's daycare. Yes, we still use pagers! I gave them my pager number because it's the fastest way to reach me since I am often in and out of clinic and my cell phone doesn't work (I'm in the basement....no windows at work :( but that's a story for another day).

So, when I noticed the page from KinderCare, my heart sunk. "Crap, she has a fever" was my first thought. A handful of kids have been sick, as I mentioned in my last post, and I was hopeful that Freyja wouldn't become one of them. I called, and they confirmed my thoughts. She had a fever of 101.6. I wrapped things up at work and left at 3pm to go pick her up. At home, I checked her temperature and it went up to 101.9. I talked to the nurse at the pediatrician's office and she wanted Freyja to come in for an appointment the next day.

Since I recently retunred from maternity leave and don't have much vacation time available, we decided that Nick should stay home with her Friday. We both went with to the appointment, because I was doubtful that she would drink cold milk from a bottle if she got hungry, and feared Nick and Freyja would both be miserable. It is very convenient that her pediatrician's office is a mile from my work--so Nick and Freyja picked me up and we all went to see the doctor. The good news:
1. Freyja weighed 12 lbs 7 oz and is officially on the growth curve for her weight! (previously she has been in the 0 percentile...)
2. Her ears looked good--no sign of an ear infection. I got tons of ear infections as a child.
3. No fever on Friday and it just seems to be a cold (but to watch if her symptoms worsened, fever returned, etc).

She was more irritable this weekend and didn't eat as well, but it makes sense because a cold is no fun! The doctor suggested giving tylenol to keep her more comfortable, so we gave her a few doses over the weekend and at bedtime. It's hard to keep from getting sick when you're breastfeeding, but Nick let me rest a lot this weekend to fight it off and so I am only a tad congested.  He has been a big help in the past few weeks. Work has been very tiring and Nick has really picked up my slack, from cooking to cleaning to changing diapers. Thanks honey!


Last night we gave Freyja a bath. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but Nick and I both help with her bathtime routine. Something about a wet, slippery baby...I don't want to bathe her alone. Last night was the first time Freyja stood up in the tub (with me holding onto her of course). In the past, she would always cross her legs in the seated position and not try to stand or even sit. Funny girl! She is finally getting more comfortable. It's been so cold and dry so we only give her a bath about once a week, and just use a washcloth or wipes to clean her as needed.

She woke up a number of times last night (I lose count), but each time she fell asleep in my arms and I put her back in her bassinet.

This morning, she woke up babbling and smiling and I had a hard time feeding her before daycare because she just wanted to talk to me! I am thinking that I need to keep the lights out when I feed her first thing in the morning to keep her from thinking it's playtime! :)

Last night before bed, Freyja and I read a few books in bed including "Guess How Much I Love You." I then sang her a song, rocked her in my arms for a minute, then put her in her bassinet next to our bed. She tries to play with the rungs on the side of the bassinet, so I tucked her arm in her sleep sack and she fell right asleep. We have a humidifier in our room and we turned up the thermostat so I was nice and toasty last night despite the cold weather outside.

No matter how many times she wakes me up in the middle of the night, I give her a kiss each time and enjoy holding her in my arms. I love her to the moon--and back. :)

An Update

I am currently on a break at work and just wanted to write a quick update!

Freyja just turned 5 months old. She wakes up to eat once or twice to eat in the middle of the night, but other than that she has been sleeping fairly well. We leave for work around 7 am and I have been getting home around 6:30pm, so it doesn't give much time to see her when she is awake! When we get home, she usually just wants to eat and then sleep.

Work has been stressful, but I am getting more used to my new position and it will continue to improve as we just got another nephrology nurse care coordinator (I can go into more about my job another time!).

Nick has been a fabulous cook! Since I keep busy with feeding Freyja at home, he has taken over in the kitchen and cooks dinner and makes our lunches. I try not to wake him up in the middle of the night, and he puts in more work in the evenings.  Good teamwork :) The past few evenings, we change Freyja's diaper, feed her, and then I rock her while watching tv, drinking a half glass of red wine, and eating frozen yogurt/ice cream. It's a good end to my day. If I'm lucky, sometimes Nick even gives me a head massage!

Freyja is putting everything in her mouth, but no teeth yet. She is growing--last we checked, she weighed 12.4 lbs at 5 months old. She was 10.7 lbs at 4 months, so we had a great month for weight gain. She can't sit up on her own yet, but she is getting stronger. She is making new babbling noises and can play "independently" for a longer period of time (like on the activity mat).

Five kids and one daycare worker at her center were diagnosed with influenza last week, but thankfully she has been pretty healthy. It was a concern because she is too young to get the flu vaccine (she has to wait till next month). The glasses have really been helping! She is more interactive at daycare, seems happier, even sleeps less (they said she probably slept out of boredom...not sure if that's true but I thought it was funny!).

On the weekends I have been taking a long (2-3 hour) nap in the afternoon...I wish I didn't need this but by the weekend, I am exhausted! It helps recharge my battery for the week. The bedroom and nursery are cluttered with clothes--but it's not the end of the world I tell myself.

I miss not seeing friends and family as much...it really has been tiring starting a new job (full-time) and caring for an infant. Most days are: eat, work, eat, sleep, repeat. I have to get all the sleep I can so I stay healthy :)

Time to get back to work!

Another Tragic Event That God Wants To Happen

This post is in response to the Elementary School shooting that occurred December 14, 2012, two days ago.

I have sympathy for anybody, anywhere that lost somebody recently. I can only be angry that the news doesn't carry anyone's personal loss. I will miss my friends and family more than people involved in random tragedies. 

For perspective, there are 7.059 billion people on this earth. When we are gone, we will not be missed. Those 26 deaths are approximately 0.0000000037% of the world population. We will survive.

Is my own death more or less significant? I'm not Bill Gates. I haven't given thousands of Africans mosquito nets. Should I hope the president sheds a tear?

Just based on the law of averages, your death will not have a press conference, a 21 gun salute or media attention (aside from a blurb in the local obituaries). 

Either God was incapable of preventing this recent tragedy from happening, or God allowed it to happen.  Either he isn't all-powerful, or he's a being that I don't care to worship.

Because in the infinity of possibility, it would be foolish to say there is no god, I will just have to accept that the religions I am familiar with have no guidance better than my own common sense and judgement.

Within the thoughts that I am capable of having, if He exists, it is beyond human comprehension, and all worldly religions have got it wrong somewhere or another.  Just live your life to the fullest in harmony with others.

In the meantime, I plan to follow two simple rules.  If they get me into an afterlife then it's great, if they don't, then perhaps I don't want that life.


1. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.
2. Appreciate what you have. If you show a genuine appreciation to the people you're are around, people will appreciate you.

'Twas the Night Before Work

I am going back to work tomorrow, which means that Freyja will start her first day of daycare. I will not go into my thoughts at this time--or I wouldn't get any sleep! Instead, I have just written a little poem inspired by 'Twas the Night Before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore.

'Twas the Night Before Work

'Twas the night before work, when all through the house,
The only creature stirring was mom, not the mouse.
The clothes were hung in the closet with care,
In hopes that Freyja would sleep better than fair.

Freyja asleep in her crib, dad in his bed,
While visions of tomorrow danced in their heads.
Mama eating her snack, no baby in her lap,
Telling herself she should go take her nap.

The morning will come just like every day,
But mama will miss her sweet Freyja Fray.
She will kiss her cheeks, smile, and say goodbye,
And hope that the work day will fly by.

Mama knew it was time to close her eyes
Not knowing when she would hear the cries.
Whispering before she tip-toed out of sight,
Much love to you all, and to all a good night!

Emily Kremer
November 18, 2012

3 Months!

Today is November 15, which means Freyja is 3 months old today!

Today Freyja and I visited my grandma (her great-grandma) for lunch. Freyja slept comfortably in my arms for over an hour; it was very sweet. It was nice spending time with my grandma before heading back to work! After our visit, Freyja and I headed to my work to introduce her to co-workers before I begin on Monday. It was great to see everyone and it reminded me that the past 3 months have gone by quickly! One of my co-workers who was 6 months pregnant when I went on maternity leave had her baby this past weekend, so I wasn't able to see her today. A few more women at my work are due in the next few months; baby fever!

She actually let me read to her two books tonight without getting too squirmy, so that was nice. I also sang her a few songs--and she doesn't mind if I forget the words or go off tune. Nick was reading her a book earlier and he made up extra parts to it--he was very good at it.

Well, it's the evening time which means Freyja is more cranky and just wants to eat or sleep, so time for me to go! I wrote this post in the time it took for Nick to change her outfit and her diaper to get her ready for bed. He is a wonderful daddy!

Playing catch up with blogging!

My guess is I will have ether shorter, more frequent posts, or longer, less frequent posts...depends on if I get behind or not! Here's a long one...just a warning! I will look back and be glad I wrote as much, but  I don't mind if no one else reads it :)

On the play mat

Only one week until I go back to work...but if I dwell on that, I will get sad and won't finish this entry! So I will be in denial for the remainder of this post...On Friday, we celebrated Freyja's first Thanksgiving with an early celebration at Nick's mom's house. We had a very nice time and I was relieved that Freyja fell asleep at her "normal" time of 8 pm. Between 7:30 and 8:30 pm I have labeled as the witching hour. She gets cranky and the only things that console her are breastfeeding followed by rocking/bouncing her to sleep. Since she is still not taking a bottle and thus I am her only source of food (and responsible for the night feedings then of course!) I especially have stock in her getting good sleep! :) On Saturday, the three of us got together with other families we met through the group prenatal class. All the women were due in August; only one was born in July! It was nice to have a get together where the guys were able to come too. Because most of us had maternity leave around the same time, the moms and babies met up for a walk and/or lunch on Wednesdays. We started with 6 women, now we are left with three of us who still have to return to work. The remaining three of us start work again the week of Thanksgiving, so this Wednesday will be our final walk for now. On Sunday we recovered from the busy previous two days...for most of the day, anytime I was not feeding Freyja I was relaxing. I had wanted to get things done around the house, but good intentions are nothing without having enough energy!

Freyja's first Thanksgiving! :)

Freyja loves her daddy!

Her smile melts my heart!

Halloween

It's Tuesday afternoon, and the only way I could get Freyja to nap for more than 5 minutes was by putting her in the swing in the bathroom while I took a shower. I was done showering before she fell asleep, but since her eyes were getting droopy, I stayed in the shower longer until she fell asleep. Naps are so important, yet she sometimes fights them. When she is riding in her car seat in the car or stroller, she is able to fall asleep...but at home it's another story. She has been barely fitting in her velcro swaddle, but when she is in her crib or bassinet and not swaddled, she doesn't sleep long at all. Today I laid her in her bassinet and she woke up after 5 minutes. Even though she is getting close to the age where she shouldn't need to be swaddled, for my sanity I may have to go get another velcro swaddle and just use it for a few more weeks. Since the concern is as they get older they may roll over from their back to stomach while sleeping, which could be dangerous if they were swaddled, I may just leave her arms out of the swaddle. Ah, decisions. I don't mind as much trying different things during the day, such as trying to get her to nap without being swaddled, but at night when my sleep is crucial I want a tried and true method for her!

I'll admit...Freyja is still napping in the bathroom and I am nervous to go and check on her (it has been about 45 minutes since she fell asleep), because I don't want to accidentally wake her up. But the motherly guilt is rising, so I guess I will go check quietly....

 **Yay** she is still asleep. I'm not sure for how long, but long enough to write a little more I hope! While sometimes Freyja can be a sound sleeper (she slept through Nick drilling a hole in the wall when she was sleeping in the other room), she is inconsistent enough where I just assume something may wake her up. I know what you are probably thinking--and I will lay your fears to rest. I know that it isn't good for her to get used to sleeping without any noise, but trust me when I say she has had plenty of experience with sleeping with noise. It's just when she hasn't slept much (naps or at night) I am extra careful. My sleep is dependent on her sleep. Enough about sleep or I may just want to take a nap, and with my luck it will be right when Freyja wakes up!

During one of my many night feedings in the past few days, I created a list that I entitled Fun Facts about Freyja (11/11/12) I don't know that all of them would be considered fun, but I appreciated the alliteration. Here goes (& pardon my grammar):

Looking at the lamp

• Doing well with tummy time, and can roll over from stomach to back sometimes. Rolled over first at 6 weeks, then not again till 10 weeks. Has not rolled from back to stomach
• Can hold gaze for longer when looking at people, toys, etc and has cute "social smiles." Smiles some at strangers but more with parents and parent's friends/family (it depends on the time of day too. She is more smiley in the morning and more serious in evenings. In the evening can usually get her to smile on changing table by smiling at her or singing to her. Likes silly songs too.
• Can hold the ring of a rattle but doesn't do it for very long. When on the play mat she sometimes hits the toys, but it is hard to tell how much of it is intentional. Usually lasts about 5-10 minutes on the play mat (and usually needs someone to hit the toys for her!) but sometimes she tolerates it long enough for me to fold the laundry or empty the dishwasher. My time is described in what chore I can get done :) I am finding that I can get parts of things done and then have to come back to them...just like I can't write a blog post in less than 2 sittings.
• Daytime naps easier when not at home...car seat when riding in car or stroller or when I am carrying her in the Snugli (similar to a Baby Bjorn)
• Often takes an evening nap around 7:30/8:00 for about 45 min to 2 hours, then fails back to sleep between 10:30 & 11:30. Trying to establish bedtime routine...feed, swaddle, feed, rock, crib. She's too fussy in the evening to sit still for a book. 
• Breastfeeding usually takes 15 to 30 min & still refusing bottle. Haven't tried it in the last few days but they will try it every day at daycare. 
• Weight on 11/11/12 was 9 lbs 8.3 oz. Still have the Medela scale and for a few feeds per day I weigh her before and after to determine how much she ate.
• Likes to be held most of the time when awake. When in a good mood, enjoys sitting or standing in lap with support. Likes to face out sitting up in your arms to see what's going on. She is very active, which probably also contributes to her body size. Tends to fall asleep lying in my arms rather than leaning against my shoulder like she did when she was newborn to 6 weeks old. 
• She fits in 3-month clothes and only some newborn clothes. Most of the newborn clothes are too small in the length. 
• Still sleeps best when swaddled. Has ended up at edge of crib half the nights this week...I think it happens when she is crying and she kicks her legs and moves around.
• Usually eats at 7:30/8:00 pm, sleeps, then eats again between 9:30 & 11:30 pm. Sometimes needs to play a little to get out energy. Then sleeps usually 3 to 6 hours before middle of the night feeding between 2:30 & 5:30 am. Sleeps 3 to 5 more hours (latest she slept till was 9:45 am)
• Works best to swaddle before she finishes eating; then she can fall asleep in my arms undisturbed at the end of a feeding. She is too big for the newborn swaddle and I am planning to buy the next size up even though we may not be swaddling her arms much longer. But I can use again for second child in the future. More often sleeps with head turned to the side (over left shoulder). Has a small bald spot on back of head from moving around, rubbing.
• When upset/sad/cries, area above her eyes (near eyebrows) and eyelids get red. She doesn't like it when I first put her in her car seat or when I first put a hat on her, but she usually quiets quickly. It helps if she can have a blanket in her lap and if she will take the pacifier. Usually just takes a pacifier when tired or after eating.
• If she is crying, the best method to help calm her is breastfeeding. If she isn't hungry, then rocking or bouncing (often while swaddled or held firmly in cradle position of arms) works best. Shushing helps calm her too, but mainly if she is just fighting sleep rather than crying. Sometimes I can distract her when she is crying, but it doesn't last too long. One time I got her to smile as she cried...that was a little funny! When she is tired, if she is being held she often bumps her head into your chest and I have caught her rubbing her eyes. 
• She likes grabbing the afghan and other soft blankets. She can grab hair in her fists and only sometimes reaches at a toy.
• She doesn't love or hate bath time...just neutral
• Likes movement--rocking, bouncing, riding in a car or stroller. Can tolerate swing more than being set down on the floor, but often just for a short time (it usually only works well if she is tired. Cries if she is awake and doesn't want to be in it. If she wants to move around, I put her on the play mat.
• In the past week, her new thing is sticking out her tongue frequently. It's like she just discovered it! :)
• Her cheeks are getting more chubby and I love giving them kisses (or sometimes I give her Eskimo kisses--nose to nose)
• She has a fold on her left ear identical to fold on Nick's left ear (he mentioned this to me)
• She has very long, dainty, skinny fingers. She is comparable to other babies in length (she was in the 39th percentile at 2 months) but more thin than many babies her age. However, she is gaining weight now at a great rate and the doctor is not concerned. We don't have an appointment to see her pediatrician until she is 4 months old.
• She is very expressive!

Ok, I'll smile for you mommy :)

What are you looking at?

After making this list, I am reminded that even though she is young, she has a personality already. It's just hard to know what of her disposition is just normal baby tendency and what is unique to her and will continue in the future. I hope she continues to enjoy cuddling! 

She's awake! I'm sure she will change quickly so I want to document how she is now. She will be 3 months on Thursday!

Being a Mother

This August I took on a new role--being a mother. I tried to think of what to compare it to without using a cliche analogy, like a roller coaster. But as anyone who has been sleep deprived can relate, I will just stick with that for now because I can't think of anything better! I have had some very high moments, and a few low moments too, with a lot of little ups and downs in between. I am very blessed to be the mother to a beautiful baby girl named Freyja!

Freyja is expressive, has beautiful big blue eyes, and a smile that melts my heart. It is amazing to see her change so much in such a short period of time!

1 day old (birth weight 6 lbs 7 oz)

4 days old, coming home from the hospital, 5 lbs 12 oz

1 week old (her due date 8/22/12) weight: 5 lbs 14 oz 

2 weeks old (8/29/12

3 weeks old (9/5/12)

4 weeks old (one day shy, 9/11/12)

5 weeks old (9/18/12)

6 weeks old with daddy (9/25/12)

7 1/2 weeks old (10/8/12

My phone memory was full, so I can't find pictures for 8 or 9 weeks old

10 weeks old with mommy

And a few pictures more recently:

11 weeks old (10/31/12)

11 weeks old (tummy time)

Almost 12 weeks old (11/5/12)

Medical updates: 

We are finally slowing down on doctor appointments and have a plan in place for starting daycare on November 19th at a center near my work. We have our last speech therapy appointment, and she still has not been taking more than 1/2 ounce to 1 ounce at a time.My boss is graciously allowing me to leave work twice during the workday to feed Freyja since she still is refusing a bottle. Someone asked me what has been the hardest part of motherhood so far. My response? Feeding. It has been a struggle from the beginning, as it took her almost a month to reach her birth weight, but she is gaining and growing and is oh-so-cute!

During the first month we were going to the pediatrician 1 to 2 times per week, and then again once per week when her weight gain slowed. She continues on a medication (ranitidine, generic for Zantac) twice daily for reflux, and after feedings I try to keep her upright for up to 20-30 minutes.  At her 2 month appointment on 10/16/12 she weighed 8 lbs and was in the 0 percentile (not on the curve for weight), but was 39% for length. We rented a scale that measures how much breast milk she drank per feeding (weighing before and after a feed wearing the same clothing and without changing a diaper). This helped immensely, and by 11/2/12, 17 days later, she had gained 12 ounces. Normal weight gain is about 1/2 ounce to 1 ounce per day. Her pediatrician was very pleased with her progress, and we don't have any more appointments scheduled until her 4-month check-up!


During pregnancy, I thought that the biggest hurdle would be related to her goiter (enlarged thyroid gland), which was found on my 26-week ultrasound. As expected, following birth she was diagnosed with congenital hypothyroidism. Congenital means present at birth, and hypothyroidism means that the thyroid gland is not producing an adequate amount of the thyroid hormone.  Freyja needs the synthetic version of the thyroid hormone for proper growth and development. She takes a medication daily (levothyroxine, the generic of Synthroid) and she has been doing well with this. It is a very safe, thoroughly tested medication, and the side effects are only present if the dosing needs adjustment. For the first year she will get her thyroid function levels checked every month and see the endocrinologist every 3 months.

Two weeks ago she had genetic testing to check for Stickler syndrome (on one of 2 genes) and the results will likely take 4 to 6 weeks. I have the syndrome, and because it is autosomal dominant, Freyja has a 50% chance of having the syndrome. Basically, if you have the gene you have the syndrome. but if you don't have the syndrome it means you can't pass it on. I won't be surprised if she has this syndrome as the risk is 50%, but I can still be optimistic until proven otherwise! The biggest concerns with Stickler syndrome involve the eyes (specifically, detachment of the retina). If she has the syndrome we will see the genetic doctor again, she will have x-rays done at 6 months, and we will be seeing an ophthalmologist (this appointment may happen before the results are back).

We also saw a chiropractor who specializes in pediatrics. This seemed to help her positioning of her head/neck. The chiropractor does a very gentle adjustment by applying light pressure at certain points of her neck and back.

Now that the appointments are winding down, breastfeeding is improving, and I finally am finding ways to take care of Freyja and get things done around the house......it's just about time to go back to work! Go figure. Well, time for bed! I should have gone to sleep at the same time as Freyja but I got wrapped up in writing this post. I hope Freyja lets me sleep a little while before her next feeding! I will end this post with a picture of 4 generation of women...

My grandma, mother, Freyja, and me :)

Emily

Ps: Some of Freyja's newborn photos (1 week old) can be viewed at http://www.megandaasphoto.com/search/label/newborn